기린c 2008. 2. 3. 11:08


 "You been a Mexico, Jack?" Mexico was the place He'd heard. He was cutting fence now, trespassing in the shoot-em zone.
 "Hell yes, I been. Where's the fuckin problem?" Braced for it all these years and here it came, late and unexpected.
 "I got a say this to you one time, Jack, and I ain't foolin. What I don't know," said Ennis, "all them things I don't know could get you killed if I should come to know them."
 "Try this one," said Jack, "and I'll say it just one time. Tell you what, we could had a good life together, a fuckin real good life. you wouldn't do it, Ennis, so what we got now is Brokeback Mountain. Everything built on that. It's all we got, boy, fuckin all, so I hope you know that if you don't never know the rest. Count the damn few times we been together in twenty years. Measure the fuckin short leash you keep me on, then ask me about Mexico and then tell me you'll kill me for needin it and not hardly never gettin it. You got no fuckin idea how bad it gets. I'm not you. I can't make it on a couple high-altitude fucks once or twice a year. You're too much for me, Ennis, you son of a whoreson bitch. I wish I knew how to quit you."


Brokeback Mountain Story to Screenplay, Brokeback Mountain p.21, Annie Proulx, Scribner 2005

 
정말이지 숨이 턱 막혔다. 질식할것 같은 긴장감과 질투와 분노와 사랑까지. 정말 더럽게도 징하게 얽혔다 싶은게. 아 정말이지 나한테 최고의 소설과 영화가 될 것 같아 이젠. 영화도 영화지만 글이 너무나 좋아. 그녀가 쓰는 문장과 대사가 굉장히 간결하기 때문에 거기에서 억눌렸다가 터져나오는 감정들의 무게, 임팩트가 다른소설과는 비교가 안된다. 이런 단편소설은 정말 처음이다.


 The shirt seemed heavy until he saw there was another shirt inside it, the sleeves carefully worked down inside Jack's sleeves. It was his own plaid shirt, lost, he'd thought, long ago in some damn laundry, his dirty shirt, the pocket ripped, buttons missing, stolen by Jack and hidden here inside Jack's own shirt, the pair like two skins, one inside the other, two in one. He pressed his face into the fabric and breathed in slowly through his mouth and nose, hoping for the faintest smoke and mountain sage and salty sweet stink of Jack but there was no real scent, only the memory of it, the imagined power of Brokeback Mountain of which nothing was left but what he held in his hands.


Brokeback Mountain Story to Screenplay, Brokeback Mountain p.21, Annie Proulx, Scribner 2005


homorelationship을 가지고 있으면서 스스로 homophobic이었던 Ennis의 여러 감정이 섞인 깊은 피로가 느껴지면서 심장이 꾹 조이고 눈물이 펑 쏟아졌다. 난 앞으로 한 동안 brokeback mountain에서 헤메고 있을 것 같다. 내 감정의 소모가 크겠지만, 그럴 만한 가치가 충분히 있다.